Thursday, November 19, 2009

20 points for the bovine

Commandment for Surviving in India #23: 

Thou shalt maintain complete and utter faith in thine driver. Failing to heed this commandment could expose you to cardiac arrest, hysteria, or cause you to inadvertanlty fling yourself from a bus window in a fit of madness.

In any instance where you feel your faith slipping, You shall reassure youself repeatedly with the following mantra:

"This man is a PROFESSIONAL driver.
I do not understand the roads of India.
I'm SURE these breaks work. 
No that tire doesnt look THAT flat. 
Of COURSE the driver sees the cow in his blind spot. 
Those children are TOTALLY going to jump out of the way.
That oncoming truck will DEFINITELY stop before it t-bones the passenger side of this rickshaw. 
This fully-loaded bus is most certainly NOT going to topple off that cliff, it has the center of gravity of a 15-passenger van!" (inside joke for mom).

Repeat these words as necessary. It is best to sit back, RELAX, and enjoy the scenery as if you were playing a driving video game or some other such diversion.

Oh, and an add-on to commandment #23 which was tacked on during the 2nd Delhi Council of Rickshaw and Bus Drivers in an attmept to adjust the Word to more modern times: if your rickshaw is driving on the wrong side of the road, dead straight for a manuere truck and your driver is checking out the girl on the side of the road, a quick "twack!" to the back of his head is recommended and may even be appreciated. After all, he may be a professional drivers but no one's perfect.    

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